As a Teen Expert, Family Psychotherapist and Author of What Do You Expect? She’s A Teenager!, I see so many teens cut themselves and self mutilate. One in every two hundred girls between 13 and 19 cut themselves regularly. Girls are 4 times more likely than boys to self harm. Why? Some teen girls say they feel, “unacceptable, invisible, that they don’t matter,” and suffer from severe “self hatred and self loathing.” In my practice some teens that cut struggle with depression and panic attacks.
My “Aerial Mindful Self Care” Cognitive Self Loving Approach has been very successful in providing them with self soothing tools to manage and self regulate their distress. Regularly practicing Mindful Self Care Blessings while looking into the mirror, on rising and preparing for bed like, “I am worthy, I matter, I am self kind, I am self compassionate, I am lovable, I am self and body accepting, I am grateful to be alive,” moves the negative mindset to a more neutral and ultimately a more positive mind place and space. Nature walking and yogic breathing works beautifully with these daily self blessings.There have been many studies about the plasticity of the brain and it’s capability of creating new neural pathways.
Any time I see an inspirational quote like the two pictured, it makes me think about how hard we can be on ourselves, whether we have a high bar for ourselves, compare ourselves to others, or have a hard time forgiving ourselves for making mistakes, some unintentional and some with conscious intent, in the best sense.
Going easy with yourself, that’s a very big statement of being reasonable with ourselves, not stressing ourselves out, not expecting the world of ourselves. It’s LET(breathe in 3 breaths of the energy of nature, the sun, the ocean, what uplifts you, GO (release in 3 breaths of body tension, worries, anxiety, pain, roominating over-thinking thoughts) Repeat as many times as you can until you feel more grounded and at ease. Take a cleansing breath, a walk outside, look up in the sky and say, “Thank you for my breath, Thank you for the day, the sun, the wind.” Look all around you. This will help you get out of your head and feel and see a bigger perspective.
The Japanese bowl repaired with gold. Wow that speaks to my soul. We all have been broken one time or another in our lives. How do we fill that void? With over eating? With drugs? With hurtful thoughts, with self harming actions? Our effort needs to be to begin to see that we are all imperfect, works in process. That Recovery, with a capital R from any seemingly unhealthy way of coping is very possible as long as we are Willing and Want to. You are so worth it! Just Imagine your effort, energy moving in the direction of beginning to fill in your voids maybe brokenness with precious thoughts like, “I am a jewel, I am a precious stone, I am solid as gold.” People that know me say, What if I don’t quite believe that yet? I now say “Faith it, till you make it.” Why not, You are worth it, You matter, no matter what anyone has said to you.
I say to the Naysayers in my head and out loud now, “What someone says about me, is none of my business.” Especially when it’s a put down. Bottom line, I need to be very aware of what I am feeding my head, my brain, which by the way is very teachable with repetition and practice!
My mantra, “I will not let any situation, person, including myself stand in the way of my happiness, joy and peace.” I find reminding myself of this everyday helps me right my crooked spaces and set my mind body spirit and soul back on my curious adventure and journey!
WABC Radio honoring our VETS A #RitaCosbyEvent!
A Q&A, After sharing with him that I give my "Mindful self care, "YOU are your MOST significant other" workshop as often as I can. I see the difference in me. I'm a much calmer person. I courageously shared with the room, "May you be at peace" "May you be serene" "I am at peace" and my participants say "I am at peace" Then I asked him about his meditation practices frequency and Length. His response was I meditate two hours in the AM and 15 minutes at night!
A lovely evening
Often I get inspired by what I read especially if it pertains to me, my family, friends and my life coaching clients and patients. I'm all about making a difference, giving some direction to help everyone to live an ON Purpose life and to carve out their Life path.
"NEVER PROCRASTINATE AGAIN" - New Research sheds light on the emotions behind our delay tactics, and how to tackle them-WSJ 9-1-2015
Really who doesn’t put off doing something that’s pressuring us, creating too much anxiety for something else potentially more pleasurable now and then?
Count me in on that one! My pleasure, throwing out papers, re-organizing my junk draw, re-arranging my closet, color coordinating my clothes, sorting out my heirloomsJ The list goes on and on!
Writing my first book, straightened me out. There were deadlines, folks that couldn’t proceed without my feedback, like a ghost writer, senior editor, an intimidating publisher looming large. I did not want to disappoint them, nor myself for that matter as a first time published author.
I have been working with a few patients on their procrastination and here are some of the tips that have helped them.
Break down long-term goals into smaller and more concrete sub goals
I call that mini goals or smaller bite sized chunks. My daughter Samara, was more able to study for a test, do her homework, take notes in class, when it was broken down and did not flood or overwhelm her poor overloaded brain.
List what you want to accomplish for the day hour by hour. Do your list every day. See that you stick to it. Give yourself lots of enthusiastic praise, cheerleading, when you commit and follow through. You Can Do It! Just Do It! Yay!!
This next one is a biggie for Over-Caretaking folks, like any of us can be at times.
Limit distractions to a ten-minute time period and whittle your way down to a few minutes! I know, I’m asking a lot!
Imagine a very upset friend on the phone, but you have to be somewhere, do something for yourself and good ole guilt crops up? What then?
Limit the phone call to ten minutes. Sounds cruel? I think not. Perhaps contact with your friend in chunks of time, especially if its an on-going relational issue, will be more helpful certainly for you and your pal as well.
Girls and women especially have a very hard time setting limits and boundaries and balancing Self and Other care. That’s just being self-respectful and considerate of your own needs. Prioritizing yourself is not a Self-ish act. It’s an act of Self-care!
Have an Accountability Partner. That’s right, someone beside yourself and your gratitude journal to account to. It’s like my deadlines again. Thinking of our AP helps us structure our time better and creates a good frame for our anxiety, which truly drives our Procrastination.
Think of this new change in your attitude and behavior with pride and pleasure.